Getting Home
by Kira michi
Summary: Sometimes they REALLY hated hollows that had special abilities. Where the heck were they? What's Times Square? What's the Statue of Liberty? No flames, please. NOT a yaoi.


**Author's Note** I thank anyone for reading. Much appreciated. :]

Not a yaoi! I'm no good at those. XD This is supposed to be funny. X3 C'mon, most stories involve these two romantically involved. I wanted to make one where it's just... funny, as I said. =3 I hope you all enjoy this~! X3

Give me confidence for uploading this story! DX I'm having doubts. XD

**Disclaimer** – I do not own Bleach.

**Warning** – Swearing.

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-:-

* * *

"...Where in the _fuck_... are we?"

"..."

"Ya just gonna stay silent an' gawk?"

"..."

"Stop bein' an idiot an' tell me where the hell we are!"

Silence.

"...I do not know."

* * *

_Four Hours Earlier_

* * *

It was rare when two Taichos would go to the World of the Living for a mission, together. The two that were chosen to go were not known to get along, _at all._ In fact they almost found every reason to fight. One bumps into the other by accident. Fool. Asshole. Insults are exchanged, and if others are lucky they get to them in time to stop a fight. Most times they get incredibly close to beating each other to oblivion before they are scolded by possibly the oldest and the wisest of the Soul Society.

Yamamoto swore he was raising a bunch of children sometimes. Especially with Kyoraku and his drinking and flirting. Ukitake and being sick most of the time. Kurotsuchi trying to experiment on every living thing in sight. Shinji and his childishness. He was thankful that some of the Taichos were mature.

In the first division, inside of the meeting room, Yamamoto was explaining of complaints that were having. For the past two months a hollow was terrorizing the shinigami in Tokyo(some had never been there, since it was strange for a hollow to appear in the city), and every person it came into contact with disappeared. No signs of struggles. No blood to indicate death. Just... _gone_. And if they were alive there was no contact from those missing people. So, when they had sent Kira Izuru to handle it they were shocked to find out from the local shinigami that he had also disappeared.

To where, they didn't know.

But they had to find out. If he had to Yamamoto would send Taichos. And considering that fourteen people were missing, Kira included, he was going to send a duo of Taichos. It may be a bad choice, and some people may question it, but he was choosing those two that did not like each other. He told the group, some looking indifferent and some sending him baffled stares. Except for the two who were being sent.

"Eh?!"

Shinji almost started snickering when he heard the loud, outraged roar.

"Like hell I'm goin' with Kuchiki!"

Zaraki Kenpachi, Taicho of the eleventh division, stepped forward and glared at the oldest in the room. Six foot six, strong and tall, and possibly one of the most powerful of the Taichos. A man that had became a Taicho by killing the previous and did not even know the name of his zanpakuto. The Soutaicho sent him a glare, daring him to continue on.

"I agree, Soutaicho. We are most likely to fight rather than work together."

Kuchiki Byakuya stepped forward to send the elder a stern stare, a prodigy in his clan. The twenty-eighth head of the one of the four great noble clans and the current Taicho of the sixth division. A man that mastered his Bankai and was probably the most sought after man in the Soul Society for his looks. But he only had eyes for his late wife, Hisana. Who brought great pain to his heart every time he thought about her.

"I'll go with Muguruma instead!" Kenpachi snapped, holding an arm out towards the ninth division Taicho.

Kensei shrugged. "I don't mind."

"No, I have made my decision," Yamamoto said, sending the two a hard glare. He received equally dark glares from the two men. "You will go to the city and take care of the hollow."

The tall man scoffed loudly. "The fuck's so difficult 'bout _one_ hollow? Everyone too damn weak ta take care of it?" He crossed his arms and scowled, turning to glare at his 'partner.' "Can I take Yachiru?"

"No."

"What?!"

"Calm down, Zaraki Taicho," Unohana said, turning to send the man a smile. It took a while but he finally settled down, quickly looking away from Smile of Darkness. "If Kusajishi fukutaicho accompanies you there is a high chance the hollow can attack her."

"Not if I'm there." Kenpachi growled lightly, turning to send her a glare.

"Do we know why people disappear when they come across this hollow?" Kensei asked, arms crossed and glancing at the old man with a bored look in his eyes.

"No," Kurotsuchi made a frustrated sound and rolled his eyes. "They are either too far away to contact us or they are dead. If you manage to bring me this hollow alive I will reward the both of you." He said, sending the two men a disturbing smile.

Kenpachi sneered. "If it's a kiss I'm gonna stay." Some people chuckled in amusement.

He received an unamused stare from Kurotsuchi. "I meant I will give you anything you desire from my lab. Another eye patch, perhaps?" He raised his eyebrows slightly and grinned.

"I have one, why the fuck would I need another?"

"Just bring it to me alive, you dullard!"

"Insult me again an' see what happens!"

"_Enough_," Yamamoto's loud, commanding voice caused the two the stop. "You will leave in two hours." He said as he sent the two firm stares. They opened their mouths to protest. "No discussions over this."

"Yes, sir." Byakuya nodded and closed his eyes.

"...Fuck...!"

"Zaraki," Yamamoto gave the man a glare, seeing him step back and glare ahead with a scowl. "None are to accompany you two when you leave. I will not have anymore officers killed."

"..._Yes, sir...!_" Kenpachi ground out, growling under his breath.

They went back to their meeting, the two Taichos mulling over their situation. During the meeting they happened to meet gazes... and instantly started glaring at each other. Either everyone else didn't notice or they ignored the intense glaring session between the two.

Kensei rolled his eyes from next to Kenpachi, having seen the two giving each other the Death Glares.

"Stop it, you two."

"Shuddap."

He rolled his eyes once more.

* * *

"Ya gotta watch the place, alright? Yer in charge."

"Aye, aye, sir!"

Kenpachi smirked, seeing the small fukutaicho give him a salute as she gazed up at him with a bright smile. All he had was his zanpakuto, and if he had to guess Kuchiki also had his. It wouldn't take long to take care of this hollow, anyway. Kurotsuchi had said after Kira had come into contact with it he managed to get its reiatsu signature before he either disappeared or died. All they had to do was locate it and kill the thing.

"Don't understand why she's in charge." Ikkaku grumbled, crossing his arms and scowling.

"She's of higher rank," Yumichika said, sending his best friend a smirk. "Come back safely, Taicho."

Kenpachi grunted, reaching down to rub Yachiru's head before he turned and started walking towards the gate. He had told her when they were heading for the gate that no hollow could kill him, and that he'd kick this hollow's ass _without_ Kuchiki's help and be back before dinner. She knew, of course, that nothing could kill him. And if he got lost and couldn't find it after dark she'd _still_ be waiting.

"Bye bye, Ken-chan!" Yachiru yelled, waving her tiny arm with a bright smile.

He turned and nodded, just in time to see Kuchiki and his fukutaicho making their way to the gate. He sneered at him, feeling that urge to fight him. He was stronger than him, why couldn't they have a fun fight for once? But _nooo,_ people always thought, "You'll kill each other, you can't!" They weren't dead yet.

"You are in charge until I return, Renji," Byakuya said, turning to address his fukutaicho. "If I do not return by nightfall make sure that all the work is done."

"Yes, sir," Renji said, seeming to sigh at the thought of work before he stood straight and nodded with a stern look on his face. "Get me a souvenir." He said jokingly, giving a wide grin.

Naturally, Byakuya's expression did not change, but Renji could see a twinkle in his eyes. His grin grew, stepping back and bowing his head respectfully. After telling him to return safely the redhead received a nod from the Taicho before the man turned and walked towards his partner.

"What a sight, eh?" Renji blinked and turned his head, seeing Ikkaku make his way towards him with a grin. "Taicho and Kuchiki Taicho workin' together..." He stayed silent. "How long 'til ya think they kill each other?"

"Ikkaku," Renji said, sending the bald man a glare. "They're better than that. This is a serious mission."

"Yeah, yer right."

Silence.

"An hour."

"Hah! I have fifteen minutes!" Ikkaku started snickering.

* * *

They had worked together, but only after they had went to Hueco Mundo to deal with that bastard Yammy. They had been more absorbed with fighting with the giant than fighting each other. It pissed Kenpachi off to no end. He had been _trying_ to fight Kuchiki, but the big son of a bitch kept getting in the way. When they _finally_ managed to beat his ass it was time to go back to the Soul Society. That was a _huge_ disappointment.

In the World of the Living shoji doors opened, light blinding any souls that would have been nearby as it opened.

Two hell butterflies flew out, guiding the two Taichos out of the Dangai. They stopped walking and looked around the area, the doors disappearing behind them as they tried to sense where the hollow was. Well, Byakuya was. Kenpachi couldn't sense a thing, so he was just staring at a singer with a puzzled look on his face. The noble soon frowned when he found nothing. They would need to rely on the tracker. He turned...

...just in time to see the grill of a truck.

"Holy shit!" Kenpachi yelled, both he and Kuchiki disappearing and reappearing on the sidewalk. He turned and glared down at the man. "Nice goin', dumbass! Why the hell did ya open the gates in the middle of the fuckin' street?!" Was _he_ ever glad that no one could see them. That would have been embarrassing.

Not that they could get hit by any objects in the World of the Living, but still...

"If you use that brain of yours you would know that I cannot control where the gate opens," Byakuya said, sending the man a cold glare. "Where is the hollow?"

Kenpachi mocked his question and dug into his robes, pulling out the tracker. Once he put it on he stared at the small screen. He pointed behind himself. Once Byakuya opened his hand he received a sneer before the tracker was dropped onto his palm. They both walked down the sidewalk, and even though no one could see them they couldn't help but weave through the crowds. But once they grew tired of it they appeared on one of the buildings, looking over the city.

"Wonder what the fuck this hollow does?" Kenpachi grumbled, receiving a somewhat questioning look from his temporary companion. He shrugged lightly and frowned. "Does it kill or eat 'em?"

"That would be the same as killing them."

"No, dumbass! It would be _eatin'!_ So are these guys just a snack ta this bastard or what?"

Ignoring the... foolish conversation... Byakuya went back to the tracker, nodding briefly at the taller man to silently tell him to follow. They jumped from building to building, both glancing at the sky every now and then to estimate how long they were gone.

Two hours had passed and _still_ there was no sign of the hollow.

"Are ya readin' it right?!" Kenpachi asked, both standing on one of the tallest buildings in the area.

"I suppose _you_ can read it better?" Byakuya sent the man a dark glare. "Did you expect to find this hollow in a matter of minutes?"

"I'd watch that mouth of yers, Kuchiki!"

"Or what?"

"Or you'll be findin' my fist in yer face!"

"I'd like to see you try."

"Fine! Get the hell over here ya-"

They both looked at the tracker when it started going off, both glancing at the screen. Kenpachi gave a wide grin, turning and running in the direction he saw the little triangle on the tracker. Byakuya glared after him before following, both stopping when they heard a scream. Turning their heads they looked around the area, trying to deduce where it was coming from before they looked over the edge of the building.

A hollow was cornering a woman.

A brief glance at the tracker confirmed it was the hollow they were looking for. Byakuya disappeared while Kenpachi jumped over the edge.

"**C'mere little girl...!**"

The woman breathed harshly, pressed against the wall as she stared at the hollow with wide eyes. Long black hair flowing down her back, she tried to bleed through the cracks in the building. The soul gave another scream when the wolf-like hollow roared and jumped towards her. She soon jumped and gasped loudly when there was a loud sound of something connecting with the ground, looking up to see someone huge standing before her.

"There ya are." Kenpachi gave a wide grin, staring at the hollow.

"**Shinigami...?**" It murmured, the yellow orbs inside the mask narrowing before it seemed to grin. "**This should be fun.**"

"Eh, ya can talk?" Kenpachi raised an eyebrow and smirked, unsheathing his sword. "Rare that any of ya talk ta shinigami."

"**So you're educated. Amazing.**" It sounded sarcastic.

"Zaraki, you are a fool," The tall man blinked, turning to see Kuchiki pressing the hilt of his sword to the soul's forehead. Byakuya turned and sent him a glare. "You should have sent the soul to the Soul Society before engaging the enemy."

He scoffed. "That's the way _you_ work, Kuchiki. I work the way I wanna."

Without any warning Kenpachi ran forward, raising his sword and bringing it down. Thankful for the restraint that was put on their bodies before heading to the World of the Living Byakuya frowned as he watched as the savage swing his sword with a wide grin. Did he not think of their surroundings? If he wanted to he could send buildings down. Raising his hand he pointed at the hollow, about to shoot kido when it disappeared.

Kenpachi cursed, stopping and glaring around the area before he managed to locate where it was. Without even waiting he took off for it. But he scowled when Kuchiki got past him, heading for the hollow.

It was almost like a game of cat and mouse.

The hollow ran, the two followed. But Byakuya cut it off from its path every time, which soon started irritating the wolf-like hollow. He watched the shinigami closely, dodging every attack as fast as he could. Considering the rank of the two it stood to reason they would kill him quickly, and it wasn't long til they had cornered the hollow.

"Hah! _Yer_ the one that's been givin' everyone problems?!" Kenpachi rested his sword on his shoulder, grinning at the hollow. "Why the hell would they have problems with such a weakling?"

Byakuya silently agreed.

This hollow was not an Adjuhas, nor even a Vasto Lorde. So why is it that it is giving so many people problems? He analyzed the hollow, seeing its' eyes trained onto them, all standing in an alley way. Kenpachi lowered his arm and gave a smirk, the look on his face making the hollow shiver. Byakuya tensed when he ran towards the hollow without warning, opening his mouth to tell him to stop.

He didn't know what happened next.

In a split second the hollow had ducked from the swing, and raised on its hind legs. It kicked out, hitting Kenpachi's side. It sent him skidding back, both he and Byakuya hitting each other. The taller of the two turned and glared down at him, opening his mouth to yell at him at the same time Byakuya glared up at him. Neither noticed the hollows' golden eyes started glowing red before it opened its mouth towards the two.

They looked forward in time to see a streak of red heading towards them, barely having enough time to curse before they were engulfed.

The hollow stayed silent, watching as the tracker fell uselessly to the ground. Silence covered the area before the hollow walked forward and looked down at the tracker. Raising its' massive paw it crushed it onto the tracker, breaking it to pieces before it turned and disappeared.

Playing with the weaker ones is more fun.

* * *

What is that sound...?

Oh, yes... Cars... Letting out a small groan, Byakuya opened his eyes, staring at the blue skies and the tall buildings. What had happened? Pushing himself up he rubbed his arms, looking around the area with a cold look in his eyes. How long had he been out? Turning his head he paused when he saw his zanpakuto. Grasping it he pushed himself to a stand, continuing to look around the area. His eyes landed on his "partner," seeing the man open his eyes and frown in confusion.

"...What happened?" Kenpachi asked, knowing that he was there.

He didn't answer, continuing to observe the area. Something... didn't seem right. He heard his comrade curse under his breath, most likely because he did not answer, before he heard the scraping against the ground. Zaraki located his sword. Sharp eyes scanned the area, growing more and more cold when he saw that he could see some signs...

Signs that he could not read.

Unless he hit his head so hard he is now unable to read or those signs were in another language.

"The fuck are we?" Kenpachi glanced around the area with a frown, walking through the alley way to head for the street.

Sending the man a glare, Byakuya had no choice to follow. It seemed even Zaraki knew they were not in the same area. Walking out into the street they frowned and started looking around in confusion. Usually Kenpachi towered over all the people, since everyone's average height was about five foot one in Japan. But... some people were actually almost as tall as he was. Some women walked around with cell phones to their ears, speaking officially and saying, "No, I told him to get that to me by today, not Monday." and whatnot. Some men spoke the same way.

It also seemed as if some people looked different.

"Oi, Kuchiki..."

Byakuya didn't respond, continuing to see major differences to the city they had previously been in. He soon sent the taller man a glare when he was nudged none to gently, seeing the eye patched man raise a hand slowly and point in the distance with a confused frown on his face.

"The fuck is that?" Kenpachi asked...

...pointing directly at the _Statue of Liberty_.

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**D: **

**Does everyone know where they are?! =D The first chapter could've been better(you agree. XD), but I thought, good enough. X3 This probably won't be long. Probably five... seven chapters maybe? Or even four. :D I don't know, it all depends. :3 I'll say it now, the amount of reviews I get will determine if the story should continue.**

**It may suck, but if I get a decent amount of reviews, I write. X3 It's my inspiration... including songs. :D**

**Continue? =3**

**April 21, 2013**


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